When They're Away

  

When They're Away

Mom and the kids went to Grandma and Grandpa’s overnight. It’s too quiet here. I’ve grown used to the noise, the chaos; the mayhem. Our small abode is at times a madhouse, with three children; I can only imagine four.

      I have an uncle who tried seven times to have a son; not a one, so the story goes. Can you imagine the din at their house around feeding time? Any time? Another of the family, my father’s sister Gwendlyne, I believe, bore and raised ten children; I’ll bet she was busy.

      I have four siblings of my own. Not an overly large family, but busy as well. Mom and Dad spread us out over fourteen years. A group of three initially; Roger, the eldest, my sister Sonia, then me. Seven years later came David, and three years hence, John arrived.

      It’s too quiet, when they’re away. But at times, when we’re all here, I seek to get away. Off alone, by myself, to be quiet. Why this paradox; this conflict of emotions and desires? I struggle with giving myself, but this I must do, for a time. I am to leave my father and mother and be joined with my wife. My relationship to Alisa is to be as unique as a fingerprint, the product of our union to be one-off representatives of humanity.

      I can get caught up in the simple rituals of life. My daily routine, such as it is, has been constantly refined and adapted over the years to fit my environment and time frame (schedule is such a difficult word); but it is my time. Or is it? The only thing I’m given, besides my breath of life, and coinciding with it, is my time. How much of it do I have? Not sure; therefore, I should use it wisely.

      If one were to make a study of my life, it would soon be apparent that this was not always the case. Is not. Long stretches of time were and are used for selfish interests and… what; just what do I spend my time doing?

       In the course of an “average” day, a concept I’m convinced does not exist, I use several hours doing selfish things. I normally and naturally wake early, and spend an hour or two on coffee, fire, heating water, waking up, etc. I try, and am often successful, to read the Word and pray; write or read.

      Then breakfast. Go outside, climb the ladder to our unfinished addition to retrieve potatoes to boil, then cut up in a hot skillet (iron), along with flapjacks (Scottcakes), brew tea. This can and is done simultaneously, as I scurry and drift about the house doing things I feel need done; helping the family, getting myself ready for the day. Regardless of what I’m doing, what am I doing it for? For whom am I doing these things, and who gets the accolades?

      Ultimately, it is about self; it’s all we know. It’s the most important thing we have, along with time; remember, they go together. But if our selves don’t include others, then it’s selfish. With that in mind, how we conduct ourselves does matter. How we use our time and what we pass on becomes a product of our self.

      In the end, I really do enjoy their company. We read and write and draw and talk and wrestle and fight and tickle and read some more. We play video games and build fires and play tic-tac-toe, cut dolls and stars from paper and make popcorn to eat and for the Christmas tree; hike and bike and walk to the library; more books to read.

      Do you do this with your children? It is good for them; you as well. I have learned that our children, all children, are very capable of grasping rather complex activities and games and patterns; designs; concepts of logic and reason, even at a young age. And not all in the same fashion. Every one of our children challenge me in various ways; so very wonderful and unique are their lives.

      Speak intelligently to your children, honest and respectfully; to their mother as well. Encourage others to do the same. Engage them in conversation. Often. I began speaking plainly to our children at a very young age; almost immediately. Yes, you can play and be silly with them; yes with funny words. But the change in the voice and tone and the goo-goo ga-ga stuff doesn’t do it. You know what I’m talking about. Besides literally slowing their development; nay, just developing unnecessary stuff, it only shows them you’re incapable of speaking your own language. People, myself included, are constantly amazed by the articulate nature of our children.

      Have you made fire with them, shown them where fresh water can be found? Where they can go and hide. Teach them how to steer a car; then let them. Show them how to use a saw; any tool, all of them. Get out with your kids and work; yes, play with them, but show them, teach them to work and be strong. This is good for them and our families; our communities and country; humanity as a whole.

      P.S. I no longer have to imagine the noise of four children.